I used to chase quiet spots at the base of waterfalls
Where flowers grew to the water’s edge
Where in solitude I could write hundreds of words
on the shape of the swirling clouds above
Or the rise of the mornings fog on the mountainside
I wrote dozens and dozens of pages
On the beauty of finding myself,
At the surprise
of finding within me, courage I never knew existed.
Year after year, the words trickled forth
From a vast reservoir of emotional memories
Impounded over a lifetime
They made their way onto paper then out into the world.
I was so proud of the story I was creating
In the face of fear and uncertainty
Fashioning a life from bits and pieces
Copied from others or as imitations of the visions
I saw in the world around me.
My confidence nurtured acceptance
And eased my passage through the world.
With fewer slights and fears to cloud my mind
I’ve felt secure in my visibility and
proud to leave my mark on the world.
Yet always on the horizon depression has lain in wait
Ready to assault my heart with lies about my worth
Stating with certainty that every friend
Will eventually break my heart.
And so it is, I pass my days, from confidence to doubt.