I used to chase quiet spots at the base of waterfalls

Where flowers grew to the water’s edge

Where in solitude I could write hundreds of words

on the shape of the swirling clouds above

Or the rise of the mornings fog on the mountainside

I wrote dozens and dozens of pages

On the beauty of finding myself,

At the surprise

of finding within me, courage I never knew existed.

Year after year, the words trickled forth

From a vast reservoir of emotional memories

Impounded over a lifetime

They made their way onto paper then out into the world.

I was so proud of the story I was creating

In the face of fear and uncertainty

Fashioning a life from bits and pieces

Copied from others or as imitations of the visions

I saw in the world around me.

My confidence nurtured acceptance

And eased my passage through the world.

With fewer slights and fears to cloud my mind

I’ve felt secure in my visibility and

proud to leave my mark on the world.

Yet always on the horizon depression has lain in wait

Ready to assault my heart with lies about my worth

Stating with certainty that every friend

Will eventually break my heart.

And so it is, I pass my days, from confidence to doubt.