It’s been so long since I’ve given even the slightest thought to my place in the sexual world that surrounds me. Yet in the last two weeks I’ve been reminded several times that others actually do see me.
First was the older gentleman at the coffee shop. While passing the table where I sat writing in my journal, he looked at me just as I looked up. He smiled warmly and gave me a wink. A wink I immediately recognized as a wink given to a woman by a man.
The recognition of what had just occurred brought on a rush that was quite extraordinary. The smile I returned was not a typical smile but one that a woman gives to a man in return. I could feel the difference. The lift in my mood was instantaneous and lasted all day.
Next was yesterday’s encounter with a woman at work was similar yet different, there were no obvious signs that there was anything sexual in our interaction but I know I felt something as she complimented me on my haircut and how it is a much more feminine look. She had stopped specifically to see me without a reason other than to say hello. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation but was left wondering if I missed something.
I was never one to enjoy flirting when I lived as a man. I never picked up a woman at a party or approached one at a bar. So, I was left a virgin at that particular talent and sorely lacking in any understanding of how it all worked. And now I occupy that place that is no longer where I came from yet not entirely where I want to go to, with little understanding of either.
And finally, this morning the weather was absolutely wonderful, so with coffee in hand I wandered out of the coffee shop and sat on the rock wall to soak up the sun. I had music playing in my earphones and not paying particular attention to much of anything when he pulled up in his pick up truck and stopped. His window was down and he looked like he had a question.
So I took out my ear buds and waited….he apologized for not realizing I was listening to music. I smiled and said that it was OK. He then starts a conversation about the weather and all the rain we’ve had but how beautiful it is today. Again, I’m wondering what this is about when I realized that I was in a very good mood when I got dressed and put some extra effort into it. I must say that I thought I looked good and apparently he did to. So that’s what this pickup truck rendezvous is about. I’m getting better at reading the signs. We had a very nice conversation made even better by the fact I knew what was actually going on.