I Knew I’d Been Here Before

I said I’ve been here before,

standing on this very edge

The smallest of space

Between me and eternity

The fear of losing all control

Drives me back.

Retreating from the edge

without an inch to spare.

That I had stood here before

Looking into that very abyss

Almost four years ago,

A brief note topping the page.

“the most painful day of my life”

Her words,

You need more help than I can give.

I knew where this would end

From the edge of the cliff

To a blank room as the door closes

The lock closing sounds like a gunshot

A low rush of air laden with institutional smell

No shoes no belt, no rights…. no control

I knew they would figure it out

I gave them too many clues

Said suicide once too often.

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