Paul the Perv

The Universe never seems to be at a loss to find things that surprise the shit out of me. Such was the case last night. It was the Saturday night of a holiday weekend, Asheville was teeming with tourists and party goers of all shapes sizes and levels of alcohol tolerance.

It wasn’t surprising therefore to run into a bunch of drunken visitors at my favorite bar. I had enjoyed a couple of beers earlier at another bar where a friend is a bartender but when I arrived it was still relatively early. I walked in said my hellos to the familiar faces as I made my way to the end of the bar and asked for a coffee with a bit of cream. Yes, coffee. I was hoping to see some friends and didn’t want to be totally drunk by the time they arrived. It was at this point I took notice of the guy standing next to me.

Maybe late thirties, wearing a dark suit without a tie and looking as if he had been drinking for a while. I made a comment that wearing a suit to this bar was kind of unusual. He smiled and said that he had been to a wedding, a brunch wedding to be be specific. Now it was about 9 O’clock so he had been at this for a while. He introduced himself as Paul from Winston.

You mean Winston Salem?

Yes, he’s an engineer working for Volvo, when I asked is that a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer? His answer is vague, the kind of thing you say when you’re 160 lbs of bullshit. A little bit of small talk and then he says, “I see that you’re wearing woman clothes” Yes I say I’m trans.” there weren’t any follow up questions so the subject dropped. In hindsight what I should have said was, “What the hell do you mean by that?” or “exactly where are you going with that?” Oh well, next time.

I picked up my coffee cup and headed to the patio out back to sit for a while. It was a beautiful night and the patio was almost empty, so picking a seat and pulling out my phone I settle in. In short order, Mr. dark suit appears and standing close by he said what a beautiful night was, Yes I agreed then he proceeded to say, “How would you like to follow me to the bathroom.?”

I have to say that question caught me totally off guard. Did I actually hear that? I look up at him as my brain goes WTF. I then say,”WHAT?”

So he repeats himself,”Would I like to follow him to the bathroom?”

No I don’t think so, my face simultaneously making the, “Really, what the fuck is wrong with you ?” look. He doesn’t say anything more and just disappears back into the bar.

Well that was a first. I wasn’t upset. First of all he was a little turd, I’m sure that I could have broken him in half even with my “girly” muscles so I went back inside and sat at the bar. The owner came over and as I ordered a drink he asked how my night was going, I told him about my bathroom invitation. When he said he was considering throwing him out, I said no don’t bother.

The rest of the evening proved uneventful and as I headed home, I started to catalog the lessons I had learned that evening. The one most reinforced is that Rachel’s life is never dull. I wonder what tomorrow will bring




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