I walk the sands at the water’s edge in search of a balm

To an ocean of dark thoughts and pain suddenly gripping my heart.

Is the answer out there somewhere in the rolling waves

Their constancy soothing to my fear for the future

 

Standing here at the shore, the sea stretching to the horizon

Planting my feet, I imagine them immovable against the advancing tide

Staring in fascination as the dark waters swirl and rush toward me

Unimpeded by obstacles in a relentless advance up the beach,

 

Suddenly doubting my resolve, I take a step back and then another

While the fear of being overwhelmed roils to the surface

The waters cease their advance, and pause momentarily suspended

Yielding at last to the resistance of incline and coarseness of sand

 

I recognize in the motion and mystery of this dark ocean,

A kinship with the thoughts and movements of my mind,

Never still, moving to its own rhythm, at times steady and thoughtful

At times lashing out in anger and confusion, its direction erratic

 

The next waves builds, its power indiscernible at this distance

Will this be the one that overcomes all of my resistance?

Its true strength unapparent until its potential is unleashed

My pride in my ability to stand against the tide seems foolish.

 

I breathe a momentary sigh of relief at the realization that I am out of its reach.

Yet today’s victory over my dark thoughts provides only temporary refuge

Each successive wave another opportunity to be overwhelmed.

Victory today only affords an opportunity to fight this battle again tomorrow.

 

An ocean of waves stretches as far as my eyes can see and beyond

The next wave draws closer and grows more formidable with each moment

I brace for the power of the onrushing water with acceptance that it’s too late to run,

If I have underestimated its strength, survival becomes the only hope.

 

Swirling depression wraps about me, rising higher and higher.

When it seems that all is lost, it recedes from whence it came

Yet in its rush to return it carries with it bits of sand, bits of me

One grain at a time my strength begins to vanish,

 

In its place a hollow where my foundation once stood

Each fleeing wave, shouts that permanence is illusionary

Luckily so far, I have danced beyond the reach of the darkest waters

It is time to turn my back to the ocean and walk inland