Have you ever noticed just about the time you think you’ve got something figured out, the Universe will share with you it’s law of the unintended consequences.
Such was the lesson that was shared with me yesterday. I took a huge risk last week when I told my story standing at a microphone in front of a room full of people. I thought that the risk I was taking was that I might have a meltdown in front of strangers, be humiliated by forgetting the words or not being able to speak them coherently. As you might have guessed by now, that was not the problem
The story was very well received, More than a few people stopped to speak to me afterward to tell me how much they had enjoyed it and that they had found it moving. The one person that was not in attendance that evening was the woman at the center of the tale. She was out of town that night, so I sent her a message that I was going to tell this story, that I wouldn’t use her name but I wanted her to know, none the less.
She sent a note back and asked me to send her a copy which I did. I will say that I was somewhat apprehensive because its personal nature and my hope that she remembered our history the same way that I did.. Apparently I was correct to be uneasy. A week later an email arrived saying that said she had finally had time to read it; and it went on to say that putting these feelings into words made her discomfort worse.It made real the fact that we do not feel the same way about each other.
I think she knew that all along but I thought that my actions had shown clearly that I did not have a problem treating her simply as a friend. I have considered it a wonderful gift from the Universe that I could be in her presence without my feelings for her being a problem, but
She does have a problem with it, her spending time with me now is uncomfortable.
The one thing that she always tried to get me to understand was that even if we did not agree, each of us is entitled to our own perspective, to our own opinion. It took my living as a woman to finally understand the way I had been dismissive of her point of view and her opinion.
It was a lesson well learned and even though I don’t think it’s a problem, she is uncomfortable and I will respect her view. She is an extraordinary individual and the only thing I have wished for her is that she be happy. I told her that I am still here as a friend if she ever needs me but that I will not contact again.
It seems that there will always be a price to be paid, and sometimes the cost isn’t known until the bill comes due.