Looking for the Breadcrumbs

I have to say that this life continues but I’m still unsure where my place is in it. Who do I look to as a role model? Where are the instruction booklets on a late life transition transgender life. I look  and search for those that have been this way, I search for the breadcrumbs, the blaze on the tree, the small pile of stones that says go this way. I look for those that could befriend me and even if they didn’t know the answers I was seeking would walk with me and keep me from feeling so absolutely alone.

It seems that transwomen become invisible as they age, I thought the main concern would be wrinkles or sagging boobs but now I realize I must be on the lookout for the subtle signs that I am becoming transparent. I believe that it has already begun, as the family photo in the movie Back to the Future slowly lost its substance such it seems is my fate as well. If I am to survive this, to flourish and grow in my new persona I must find my way or make my own way. To find or create that which will continue to make me feel alive, the commitment, the involvement that makes me want to get up in the morning.

 

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